The Buttered Cat Paradox (And how we can achieve perpetual motion/ultra cheap energy using it)

While in 2nd year of engineering, I came to an interesting realization by virtue of two observations.

Observation 1. A cat always lands on it feet no matter how it falls (in this case , read how it is thrown).

Observation 2. A buttered toast (my favourite breakfast) always fall the buttered side down (to my dismay :@ )

Now the Realization.  According to Murphy’s Law , the buttered toast SHOULD fall on the buttered side down. This can be established as a fact, an undeniable truth.

But what also is a statistically proven truth is, the cat always lands on it feet.

So what happens if we tie/glue the buttered toast on the back of a cat and then throw it down ?

Which side will the buttered cat land on?

a) On its feet?

b) Or buttered side down?

Truth is,  at the time our group of “researchers” never attempted to perform this experiment and resolve the paradox for fear of violating the sacrosanctity of the universal truth resulting in the universe imploding upon itself.

We did “theorise” on the the cat would fall. Without violating the two axioms i.e. the cat landing on its feet and the toast falling buttered side down.

Now before I place my views on how the cat would land a couple of things needs to be analysed.

1. The force acting on the bread is not butter, as butter without bread would not land bread side up. Same goes for the bread.  So instead the resulting force comes from the fusion of bread and butter which produces a kind of “anti-gravity” effect resulting in fall on buttered side down.

2. The energy in cat landing on its feet comes from their feet itself. It has been proven experimentally.Cat without feet have near zero percent chance of landing on their feet. We can call this energy “Cat Foot Energy”.

So the solution we came up with was

i. The buttered cat will fall sideways.  Which didn’t make much sense and seemed too simple, hence we rejected this possibility.

ii. The the buttered cat will fall down spinning on its axis, as it reaches closer to the ground its rotational speed increases and eventually the system reaches an equilibrium just before hitting the ground it rotates at speeds unimaginable to us, hovering just above the surface. Thus giving berth to perpetual motion.

A general consensus was reached by our team of researchers that we had actually managed to solve the “Buttered Cat Paradox” theoretically and have made a revolutionary discovery in form of perpetual motion.

Perpetual Motion

Our Perpetual Motion System (PMS) would have made the use of other energy sources (such as fossil fuel, nuclear power etc) obsolete and the new form of energy would also be cheap as it required only three key component, namely a cat , a toast and butter.

Most of the advance civilization in the universe already use this technology to drive their spaceships, as proved by the loud humming heard from it, which in fact is the purr of several hundred cats.

Although, with, like any other new great discovery, come the power to abuse it. So , we tried to put a forward a motion to the UN in form of a written letter, asking them to monitor the sale of cats, bread and butter. As these were the key ingredients to what could be used to make future weapons of mass destructions.

We even asked them to monitor the sale of margarines, as our experiment showed that using margarines instead of butter would induce the placebo-effect and produce a statistically significant number of working PMSs

But just as we can embarked on the greatest journey of all time perhaps, we faced a very difficult problem.

As I mentioned , the final equilibrium of PMS would result the cat spinning at vicious speeds, and we were not sure that it can hold its structure integrity at such high rotational forces.

The sheer amount of centrifuge experienced , would have led to the legs being ripped apart from the cat, which in turn would have diminished the Cat Foot Energy and the PMS would have fallen buttered side down. (I don’t want to describe the exact description of what we perceived would happen).

So, now we are waiting for the technology that would allow us to mass produce structurally reinforced cats at an economical rate.

Attempts are also being made to breed flat cats with no legs (only feet).